


Hidden Pain

by demonic098



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:13:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29726754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonic098/pseuds/demonic098
Summary: After escaping the lab, the old guard learns of a secret one is keeping.Maybe Nicky was the only one tortured in the lab.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 2
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own these characters. Nicky is my favorite and I feel bad for causing him pain. I hope you guys like it! Tell me what you think!

Nicky was tense. His muscles screamed at him to move but he could not even shift an inch. He knew he was being stupid, but the memories would not leave.

_Cold air brushing his bare skin. The smell of chemicals burning his nose and throat. The immense pain as a scalpel scraped across his chest, his arm, his face. The sharp stabbing pain when the doctor dug deeper. His teeth clinched to prevent screaming out. The relief when the pain subsided for those short fleeting minutes._

Nicky was brought out of his thoughts when Nile moved her knee into his. “Where do we go now?” He did not even move to acknowledge her. He knew the others would answer her. Right now, he needed a minute. One minute, to process. He knew the others especially Andy would ask what Joe and he went through. For Joe, the answer would be simple. They got knocked out and woke up on a table. The doctors not having time to do anything before Nile freed them. For Nicky, he was not as lucky. What do you tell them? He was not ready to relive the pain so he would have to keep his experience hidden.

He slowly realized that everyone was quiet, staring at him. He looked up and saw the worry on their faces, even Booker. “Sorry, what were you saying,” he asked. Joe’s eyebrow flicked up with concern, “We wanted to know if you felt comfortable going to one of Booker’s safehouses since ours are probably compromised?” Nicky felt Booker tense next to him which only caused his heart rate to spike in his chest. Taking a deep breath, Nicky slipped into the caretaker role. “Sure, but we do need to stop and grab medical supplies so I can take care of Andy’s wounds. Also, to grab the girls some clothes.” The look of relief passed through Joe’s face. The concern now gone. Andy smiled and continued to a store to grab the items.

Arriving at the store, Andy and Nile decided they were the cleanest to go in. Joe also volunteered saying if he were alone with Booker, he would kill him. Leaving Nicky with Booker, the car became a tense environment. Nicky was tense and his heart was beating too fast. He did not know how to feel toward Booker but knew they were stuck with him, at least for a little while. Booker was the first one to break the silence. “Nicky, I am sorry. I am sorry they took you. I know I can’t ask for forgiveness, but I hope you will allow me to earn your trust.” Nicky took a deep breath. How could he express his heartbreak about Booker’s betrayal without giving up how he was tortured? So, he pushed down his emotions, “Sure Booker. I can give you a second chance.” Nicky’s insides were screaming at him. He did not want to give him a second chance. He wanted to scream at him. For the pain he caused but he couldn’t. He did not want to slide backwards. Right now, he was slipping. The memories making themselves known in the back of his head. He needed to get out but the blood from the bullet wound on the back of his head and neck would catch attention.

Before he could jump out of the car, Nile jumped into the backseat. The smile she gave Nicky caused him to relax. The memories fading away. Nicky knew he needed to give his mind and body something to do to keep the memories at bay. Therefore, when they finally made it to Booker’s safe house, Nicky took control. “Booker, Nile go secure the house. We don’t know if it’s safe or not. Joe grab the bags. I’ll help Andy.” Everyone followed his orders, not knowing they had a deeper agenda. Once Nile confirmed the house was safe did, he enter the place with Andy. Setting her on an old couch. He turned again to his family, “Booker how many rooms do you have?” “There are three rooms and three bathrooms, why?” While Booker talked, Nicky observed the rest of his family. Joe and Nile were clean but could probably use a shower.

_Shower… a memory slipped into Nicky’s mind. A white room handcuffed to the shower head while freezing cold water ran down his body. The water washing away the blood._

Shivering Nicky huffed “You three should take showers.” Nicky could faintly hear Andy say under her breath, “ok bossy”, but he paid no mind to it. He needed to keep busy. Looking up he saw Nile and Booker leave the room to take showers. Joe still stood in the room. “It’s ok Joe. I will shower after I help Andy.” With a nod, Joe left. Turning to face Andy, he slowly peeled off the old bandage the doctor gave her. Grabbing some peroxide, he poured some onto the wound. Trying to be quick because he knew he was hurting Andy. He grabbed a bandage and covered the bullet wound. “Do you need some rain reliever?” Andy just smirked, “No, it hurts but it is manageable. How are you doing?” How was he doing. Nicky wanted to laugh. He was doing great. He was just tortured for hours but you know he was great! He could not say this. To deep in thought, he missed Andy growing more concerned with his lack of response. She gently laid a hand on his shoulder. Nicky shot up and crossed the room before she even blinked. Nicky was tense and his breathing erratic. Andy now was deeply concerned. He did not want that, so he just gave a quick laugh, “haa, I am great. I’m going to see what I can cook. Everyone must be hungry.” Quickly leaving the room, Nicky went into the kitchen. He grabbed the countertop. He was going to pass out if he could not control his breathing. “Come on. Take a deep breath Nicky.” Anyone would have laughed at him for talking to himself, but it did help. With his breathing in control, he looked around in Booker’s pantry to find something to cook.


	2. Chapter 2

In the other room, Andy was frowning. In her mind she knew something was going on with Nicky. He was tense on the ride over and reserved. Hell, he just flinched when I put my hand on him. Joe said nothing happened in the lab but now she was not so sure. She needed answers. So, she pulled out her phone to call Copley.

“Copley.”

“It’s Andy, I need you to do me a favor.”

“Sure, you name it. I owe you guys.”

“Can you grab the security files from the lab and destroy any other samples collected?”

“Um, yea I can grab the files. Samples? I thought Joe said they did not have time?”

“Call it a hunch. Can you grab the files and meet me at Booker’s safehouse?”

Sure Andy. See you tomorrow!”

Now she needed to tell her family. She did not know how they would react to Copley. Him and Booker are the people who technically got them captured. But she needed someone to help them so she would just have to trust him. Nile entered the room and approached Andy. “Dinner is ready. Nicky told me to come help you into the kitchen.” Andy smiled, of course he did. When Nile and Andy entered the kitchen, Joe and Booker were looking at the back of Nicky with concern. He still had not showered and he had dry blood and who knows on his neck and back. Before she could tell Nicky to go shower, he turned and gave Andy a soft smile. It did not reach his eyes which only gave Andy more suspension about what really happened in the lab. Were Nicky and Joe lying about it? She snapped out of her thoughts when Nicky placed bowls of pasta on the table. Everyone thanked Nicky and dug in. She was keeping an eye on Nicky who was not eating but pushing his pasta around.

“Ok guys, we need to talk about what has happened.” Booker tensed. Joe and Nile looked at her. Nicky kept his head turned down not even looking at her. “We need to talk about what to do with Booker. He betrayed our family and allowed Joe and Nicky to get caught. He also shot me so what do you guys want to do.” Joe was the first to speak up, “I think you should decide the punishment boss. Yes, Nicky and I got captured but they did not hurt us. You were the only one who got hurt.” Andy did not miss the way Nicky tensed when Joe mentioned not being hurt. Damn it. They hurt Nicky and Joe did not even know. He was going to be pissed if the files proved her judgement. Why was Nicky not telling them though? Maybe he just needed time to process. Snapping back to the conversation, she looked at Booker. “You’re right Joe. He did shoot me, but he also helped us escape. I say we keep him.” Booker looked at Andy and smiled. Looking back at everyone, she turned her face slightly to gauge Nicky’s reaction when she said, “I also contacted Copley. I asked if he could get the files from the lab. I want to see what they wrote. Plus, we can’t have them fall into the wrong hands.” Nicky tensed, his breathing picking up. He knew he was about to have a panic attack. He needed out. Quickly standing up, he fled the room. He knew people were going to come after him. Probably Joe but he needed space. Nicky went into the first room he could find and locked the door. Finally, alone, he allowed his emotions to surface. Tears streamed down his face. He couldn’t breathe. He wanted to yell but a memory resurfaced.

_After the doctor had collected another rib. Nicky could no longer be quiet. Nicky was angry. Not caring if he woke Joe up, he started yelling at the doctor. He yelled and screamed profanities in all the languages he knew. He did not even get a chance to relax before the doctor slit his throat. He could only look at her smirk while blood ran down his throat and neck. It took forever before he died._

Nicky still could not breath. He could feel his lungs hurting and calling out for air, but he could not supply the air his lungs so desperately needed. Slowly his vision blackened and then there was nothing.

Back in the kitchen, no one moved when Nicky ran out. Andy could see that Joe wanted to run after him but a look from her kept him in his places. She needed to tell them. “Guys, I think we needed to talk about Nicky.” Before she could continue Booker spoke up, “He was tense in the car. And he looked zoned out. He has not even taken a shower yet.” Nile and Joe nodded. Andy just needed to rip the band aid off. “Guys I think Nicky was tortured.” Joe instantly shot up out of his chair, “How do you know Andy. I was there. When I woke up Nicky was beside me. He...He smiled at me and we were joking.” Andy could see the inner turmoil in Joe’s face. “I just have a suspicion. We will know more tomorrow. Right now, let’s just give Nicky some space. That means you Joe.” With a acknowledge from everyone, Andy left the kitchen to find a spare room to take a nap. Before her head could reach the pillow, she was out like a light.


	3. Chapter 3

Nick gasped awake. His head was dizzy, but he knew what to suspect. His body was still tense, but he could finally give his lungs the air they needed. Getting up, Nicky unlocked the door. He knew it was late and Joe would probably be tired. Leaving the door unlocked, Nicky slipped into the bathroom. He really did need to get the blood out of his hair. The shower did not appeal to him, so Nicky decided to wash his hair under the sink. It took several minutes to get his hair to return to its normal dark brown color. His heart was beating inside his chest. The small amount of water was starting to give him anxiety.

Heading out of the bathroom, he did not miss Joe sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Nicky stopped walking and stared at Joe. Joe must have sensed his presence because he looked up into Nicky’s eyes. “Nicky, come to bed.” Walking the rest of the way. Nicky sat next to Joe. Nicky slowly leaned his head into Joe’s neck. Inhaling, Nicky’s body was suddenly filled with the smell of wood, and citrus. He loved the smell of Joe. His body instantly relaxed. To consumed with Joe’s smell, he did not notice how Joe slowly guided him to lay down on the bed. Joe continued to let Nicky breath in his scent. Joe could now see the hidden pain Nicky was going through. He could not understand why Nicky hide his pain from him, but he knew Nicky would tell him when he was ready. Right now, Nicky needed to sleep. If Andy was right, then Nicky was tortured for hours. His body must be fighting to stay awake. Almost like a switch Nicky tensed. “What’s wrong Nicky?” Nicky slowly sat up again, “Is it ok if I sleep near the wall?” Joe instantly knew Andy’s suspicion was right. Nicky always slept closer to the door. Nicky was a light sleeper so if they were attacked Nicky would be up in a flash. Something must be wrong if Nicky wanted to sleep near the wall. Nicky wanted to be guarded. Joe smiled, “Sure Nicky.” Once again Nicky relaxed. Switching positions, he did not mention how Nicky once again buried his head into Joe’s neck. The calming scent of Joe had Nicky falling asleep in minutes.

While Nicky slept, Joe took the opportunity to study Nicky. Nicky’s hair was wet, but the rest of his body wasn’t. Therefore, Nicky did not take a shower. He would have to mention that to Andy later. He could see how Nicky kept a distance from him but also wanted to be close. He saw the tension in Nicky’s sleeping form. He could hear Nicky’s racing heart. Nicky is probably going to have nightmares, Joe thought. How would Nicky hide them though? Deep in thought, Joe eventually fell into a deep sleep.

Nicky on the other hand was not asleep. Yes, his eyes were closed to give the illusion he was sleeping but Nicky was tense. He knew Joe needed him. Joe needed to feel his presence in a physical manner. Nicky knew he would flinch if Joe touched him, so Nicky just laid his head on Joe’s shoulder. This was the only physical contact he could give. Nicky also did not trust himself to be near the door. He knew he would fight if needed but flashbacks of the lab were happening more frequent. He did not want to zone out and be useless if he was needed. 

Booker and Nile were still downstairs when it reached midnight. Both sitting outside with the cool breeze. Both regretting the files they were going to see tomorrow. It was Nile who broke the silence. “Booker, what do you think Nicky went through? And why would he hide it from Joe. From us?” Booker turned to Nile. “There’s something you should know about Nicky. Nicky is reserved. I remember he use to hide his pain to help us. He would disregard his own pain to take care of us first. Why did he not tell us? I am not sure. Maybe he did not want to face the pain or maybe he wanted to make sure we were ok first. But I do know he is going to need all of us tomorrow so go get some sleep.” As Nile finally went to bed. Booker could feel the guilt take over. Nicky forgave me in the car, was it a ruse or was he telling the truth? If Nicky was tortured, he knew Joe would be pissed at him more than he already did. Andy, god Andy would kill him. Figuring out he needed to be ready for whatever, Booker went inside and packed his bag. Just in case. After Booker went to sleep dreading the morning meeting.


	4. Chapter 4

Nicky woke up to a cold bed. He does not remember when he gave in to sleep but he knew he had only slept for an hour or two. Joe was no where to be found. Getting up Nicky slowly walked to the door. Cracking it open, Nicky could hear a conversation in the kitchen. Copley was there. Why was Copley there? Nicky snuck closer to the kitchen. He wanted to hear what they were talking about without him.

“Where’s Nicky,” Nile asked?

“He is still sleeping. I don’t think he went to bed until an hour ago,” Joe huffed.

“Well let’s do this before he wakes up. Copley did you find the files that I asked for?”

“Yes, I did. It seems that Nicky woke up before you did Joe. The doctors took advantage of that. Now all the physical samples are gone so you do not need to worry about that. I have the actual video files of the lab. To be blunt, they are not pretty.”

Nicky ‘s anxiety grew. They were going to figure out what happened to him. Nicky’s heart was racing. It sped up even more when he heard Joe punch the table.

“Joe, if you can’t control yourself. You are not going to leave this room, you got it,” Andy said.

Joe must have nodded because booker spoke next. “What did they take? And what type of torture?”

Nicky could hear Copley huff, “They took blood, tissue, and umm ribs, fingers, and even some organs. The torture, well you will see but I could only watch so far before I had to stop. But from what I watched, they cut him up. Electrocution, water boarding… he just... he has been through a lot.”

Andy with venom told Copley to play the videos. As the videos played, Nicky could hear Nile crying. He could hear Joe pacing. Booker throwing up and Andy cursing. He could tell by the audio that they were watching him struggle in his restraints. Him struggling to not scream in pain. They could see, the blood all over his body. The blood coming out of his mouth. His nails digging into the table. The heart monitor speeding up as he went through the pain. They heard him finally snapping and yelling profanities at the doctor, to the sound of cutting flesh and him choking on his own blood.

After the videos stopped, it was quiet in the kitchen until Joe spoke, “When I woke up, he had no blood on him. They must have washed him off. He… he suffered all that and never made a sound. He suffered so I wouldn’t. He laughed and joked with me when I woke up.” Nicky could hear Joe crying when he spoke. Based purely on instinct, Nicky rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. He did not miss the expressions as he walked into the room. “Nicky...” With a shake of his head, Nile stopped talking. He continued into the kitchen and practically rammed into Joe. Although his body tensed, Nicky preserved through it. He needed to hug Joe. He wanted Joe. Joe wrapped his arms around Nicky. Joe’s tears hitting the side of Nicky’s face and neck. “My love, why did you not tell me,” Joe sobbed. Nicky just shook his head. He could not answer him.

It wasn’t until later, in the comfort of their bed that Nicky answered Joe’s question. Both were facing each other with their foreheads touching. Both just taking time to process. Nicky pulled back and looked into Joe’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I did not tell you because I did not want to cause you pain. I did not want you to hate yourself because they did not torture you. I did not scream because I wanted to prevent you from going through the pain. I love you and I would get tortured again if it meant you did not have too.” Joe just gripped Nicky’s neck and leaned in to kiss him. “I love you Nicky but please do not hide your pain from me. I can handle it.” Nicky embraced the kiss. Before Nicky could deepen the kiss, Joe pulled back.

“I do have questions.”

“I will answer them my love.”

“Can I touch you? I have noticed you tense up if we touch you.”

“I am getting use to it. I am sorry I tense up. My brain still thinks I’m in the lab. If you don’t mind, it helps if I initiate the touch first.”

“Nicolo, you do whatever you need. I will still love you. Now what do you want to do about Booker?”

“I do not forgive him, but I am willing to keep him around. It just will take time.”

“My last question, why did you not shower last night. I know you washed your hair in the sink. Did they do something else that wasn’t in the videos?”

“They umm, they tied me to the shower head and blasted me with freezing water. I just can’t shower right now.”

“What if we showered together?”

That is where they ended up. With Nicky leaning up against Joe while warm water ran over their bodies. Nicky tense and chaotic breathing. It was only the calming breath of Joe that kept him from leaving. The caress of cool breath sending chills down his spine. The soft lips leaving warm spots on his neck. Joe’s hands wrapped around his stomach. Fingers caressing his skin. Nicky slowly relaxed. Maybe a shower was not such a bad idea after all. Only time would tell.


End file.
